As you know very well by now from my numerous previous posts, I am what people call a “socially challenged”. My whole life is basically made up of a series of awkward moments and embarrassing situations, and instead of choosing to forget about those humiliating incidents and to disregard their existence, I decided to embrace them.
This didn’t come to me naturally. In fact, it took me a lot of time to accept this reality. It took me precisely twenty-one years to start realizing that no matter how older I get or how mature I might be, weird is just always going to be a part of me. And since life isn’t made up of big moment; it’s actually made up of small moments, these are some that made me love myself, my life and the people in it a little bit more.
1- The Chapstick Dilemma
Egypt needs to understand that it’s okay sometimes for guys to use lip-balm. My lips, which are bigger than Angelina Jolie’s just FYI, need a little care and attention every now and then. In winter time, especially, it’s like hell! My lips literally bleed and I struggle to find a place to put Chapstick without being stared at by every single bystander!
2- Bathroom Interruptions
Simply, here’s to all the times I went to the bathroom and the door was unlocked, and I had someone come in and interrupt my potty break. Believe me; this happened more than a few times.
3- Buying Groceries with My Parents
Every time I go grocery shopping with my family, my dad dumps every single heavy grocery bag on me, because I’m the “man” of the house, to the extent that he sometimes ends up hanging approximately nine bags on my shoulders, fingers, thumbs, knuckles, nose, ears and earlobes if possible. If you see me, you’d think I’m a Christmas tree, and not even a fancy one. No worries though, my sister ends up carrying most of them when I can’t seem to move any part of my body.
4- My Biggest Weakness in Interviews
Normally, an interview is where I shine. I love nothing more than to talk about myself. I have no problem whatsoever answering every single question that you throw my way, however, there is one question that I can’t seem to answer if my life depends on it. Every single interview that I’m asked about my biggest weakness, I take forever to answer. Literally, I sound like a jerk. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I can’t find any flaws in my personality. It’s exactly the opposite. I always find so many that I can’t seem to choose just one, so I panic.
5- Medical Checkups
Whenever I go to a doctor’s appointment, the nurse tends to ask me a question like, “Beteshteky mn eh?” and I assume they mean an actual complaint, so I answer “Well, I’ve been waiting for over an hour…” and the nurse goes, “No, sir, I mean physically! What are you here for?” and I’m like “Oh… Well, my bowls have been killing me.”
6- Grandma Walks in On You
Every Game of Thrones fan knows that GoT is not the type of show you’d watch with your grandmother, and when my Nana walks in on me watching Game of Thrones, let me tell you that I have some explaining to do. I have to explain to her that I’m watching a TV show about dragons, a fight over thrones, and a whole lot of nudity… but mostly dragons.
7- P.E. Class
P.E. class was my ultimate struggle throughout school. It is obvious that I am not athletic, and putting me through P.E. was like getting a fish out of water, or putting a non-fish in water… I never knew how to ride a bike without the training wheels or do the basic on ground somersault which is why Mr. Ramzy, my Kindergarten P.E. teacher, would always give me a little push, just a small nudge on my popo, when the other kids aren’t looking, so it would seem like I tumbled down all on my own.
8- Pregnant or Bloated?
Here’s to every time I mistook a bloated woman to be pregnant, including my grade school bus matron whom I thought was pregnant for four years in a row, until I accepted the idea that she just had too much for breakfast on a regular basis. That is until she started screaming one morning during our ride to school and going something like “The baby’s coming!” That really confused me.
9- The Time I Paid the Taxi Driver in Molto
Yep! I was late to university, and I was catching the bus with a cab, and when I did, the counter got 10.60 pounds and I only had ten pounds and fifty piasters, but the driver kept shouting and insisted on getting those remaining ten. So, I did what any normal, sane person would. I got up, looked inside my backpack, got out a Molto and threw it to the driver who was relatively shocked.
10- The Normal Part in Me
One of the things that I’ve noticed over the past few years is that everybody wants to stand out. Here I am talking about what makes us different and what sets us apart, but I also learned that every now and then it’s okay to celebrate our similarities. I get that everyone wants to be special, but sometimes it’s okay to be normal. It’s okay to be average. It’s okay to act like your dad. It’s okay to listen to your mom. I will never change, but I’ll try to improve. I will hold on to that small boring portion of me. That part that’s not tattooed or pierced, that old-fashioned, naïve, gullible child inside of me. It’s nice to know that there’s still something ordinary in the world, because every now and then I long for a sense of normalcy. That being said, every other bone in my body will still always be #Awkward.