As a teenage girl experiencing her adolescence for the first time, I had a lot of self-esteem issues, and it took me a lot of time to gain any, for that matter. As I was not one who had the looks at a young age, I decided to focus on who I am instead of how I looked, and spent years trying to build up and develop confidence through what I achieve and reach.
By the age of 20, confidence was no issue; I knew who I am, what I’m capable of, and what I’ve already achieved in life in such young age. I didn’t feel insecure about who I was or what I had; not even the 40 something kilos of body weight made me feel less of a person. I was happy and satisfied.
However; it didn’t last long, not the confidence nor the happiness and satisfaction. People of different ages started noticing how my weight didn’t change since the age of 15 up till almost 21 and suddenly it’s an issue; “You’re getting thinner by the day!” OR “No one would want to marry a girl who’s that thin” OR “Let me remind your mother to feed you properly.” OR “14-year-old girls look older than you!”
These comments, along with worse ones were hurled from people who had no business whatsoever to comment on how I look or how much I weighed, others even started recommending me dietary supplements that are guaranteed to make me gain weight. One comment of those didn’t do much damage, yet living everyday with at least three people going out of their way just to comment on how unhealthy I look was enough to shatter down the acceptance I had for my body.
Gradually I started eating more portions, even larger than I could bear, just to make sure there was no way I would skip the natural course of gaining fats, I would go every week and check how much I weighed to see if there’s any difference, I even started neglecting any form of clothes that would focus on how thin I look and picked the kind of outfits that could give me a fuller physique. I became obsessed with my body image, and was never satisfied with how it looked like, not anymore.
It came down to me staring at myself in the mirror and hating every bone that stood out of my thin skin, and every feature that should have had more fat but didn’t. Realizing my efforts to gain weight were pointless, I stopped eating altogether. The motive of me having full meals was to gain weight, which didn’t happen, so what was the point of having such hefty portions for them to evaporate minutes later instead of settling in my own body?
Spending a whole summer struggling with the fact that I’m too underweight to feel good about myself, I’ve reached my own closure. How thin I am is who I am, and how thin I am is not something I control, it’s not something I choose, and it’s not something I can change. It’s not even something I wished to change in the first place, however; you all convinced me I should.
Skinny shaming is still shaming, whether it’s for being fat, thin, short, or tall, and it shouldn’t happen. Underweight is not better than overweight, those with size zero are not luckier, shaming thin people is not the way to make curvy or overweight people better, and forcing someone to believe that they don’t look good enough compared to other people their age is just mean and cruel.
This being said, I send this out to all of those who were body shamed in any way; you deserve better than to be evaluated through other people’s eyes and devalued upon what they don’t see matching to their own definition of normal. You know better than to listen to anyone who tells you how you should look like, and you’re worth much more than numbers whether they be big or small.
So, if Meghan Trainor feels better about her bass by calling people like me “Skinny Bitches” well then, I’m proud to be, in fact; I’m lovingly accepting it.