Last week we looked into ways to become more internal and less external and how that can affect our stress levels. This time we’re talking about effective ways to communicate with each other, something a lot of people are struggling with on a daily basis and avoid dealing with altogether. What’s the thing that people usually fail to accomplish when trying to communicate these days? And how some people who identify as socially awkward, and actively avoid interactions with others, can break free and be more encouraged to hold a healthy conversation? Were among the many questions lifestyle consultant, Sandra Shama Kaur answered. And we broke it down into 4 simple tricks…

1. Patience and listening

"If you can bring together these two into every conversation, you can become the best leader possible. Have the patience to listen to the other person until they finish their story, because most of the time, people are not talking to someone because they want them to solve their problem, they just need help sorting through the issue and all they need is to just talk about it. This comes back to our stress, right? It’s when our nervous system is over stimulated and our sympathetic nervous system is engaged, we’re on overdrive and want to finish things fast. So it’s natural when someone starts a conversation with you to be like “And? Where is this going? What do you want?” This is not going to help the other person, and that’s one of the best times to actively sit and slow down your breath. Try and hold your breath while the other person is talking, it will help you become more calm and patient."

2. Get over social awkwardness NOW!

"It is very common, a lot of people actually get very nervous when faced by different types of people. Some people have a very strong aura, while others have a rather weak aura. When both people interact the latter does not utter a single word. Although that same person can be active and productive when on their own. This has to do with your electromagnetic field (or aura), it has to do with your navel. Your navel is this area in your body that brings out lots of energy that helps you manifest and create on earth. It increases your confidence and will power The three main things here are: the aura, navel, and throat chakra. What someone in the weaker position here can do, on a practical level, is do exercises that strengthen the navel, and others that bring out their voice, which are very important because when their tone is stronger, people will pay attention to what they have to say. Speaking in low, weak tones will not get you anywhere in life, you need to speak from your inner core, where all the energy comes out so the person on the other side can actually hear what you’re saying."

3. Be honest & speak from your heart

"Another thing is to make sure that you’re speaking from your heart, not just your mind. You can go into a conversation with everything already prepared and memorized, then you start speaking and it all sounds very mental that the other person is also hearing you from only their mind. What you’re saying is not going to have an impact on them and they won’t remember it. You want to speak from your heart where people can connect with what you’re saying. If you go into a room and you’re intimidated by a certain person, it’s very important that you recognize that. The key is to know what they’re triggering in you. You need to ask yourself “What is he/she triggering in me? My insecurities or that I’m not good enough?” Every single person around us is a reflection of who we are. So if you’re avoiding a certain person, it’s probably because they’re triggering something in you that you’re not ready to handle. But if you really want to face up to your own challenge, grow, and get stronger, then you actually need to be around that person and figure out what they trigger in you. Because if you don’t deal with it right now, when the this person leaves, you’re going to need a similar personality."

4. Family & friends VS partners

"With work colleagues, friends and family it’s important to always recognize what they trigger in you. We tend to blame the other person, that they have the problem while actually it has nothing to do with them. Thing is if I notice that you have a problem (that you’re very angry and loud, for example), it’s because it’s already in me, that’s why I see it. I can identify because a part of me is also like that. It’s like my shadow is rejecting that. But if I don’t reject it, I’d be more empathetic and think ‘oh, they must be having a very difficult day’, because it (in that situation anger) is not my issue. Key is to realize that it’s not about ‘them’, it’s always about you. On the other hand, when it comes to partners or love interests it’s always good to ask “what are the qualities in this person that are attracting me?” Because most of the time these qualities you like about them are either things you want to develop in yourself, or are on your list of “5 things I want in a man/woman.” On a very human level, we are creatures of connection, we have the need to be united with something. So we always have that gap that we’re trying to fill, that’s very natural, and we need to figure out what we can do to fill this gap, how we can cultivate this loving relationship with our own selves first, to be whole. Because if we don’t have that we’ll end up looking for it in our “other half,” and one of the ways to cultivate this wholeness is to bring balance to the masculine and feminine sides of ourselves, which exist in each one of us. We need to know which one we are nurturing more, so we can bring those into balance and become whole as individuals and stop looking for qualities in other people. The idea is that people in a relationship are supposed to support each other to grow more and move more towards their destiny. Each need to cultivate their own way of nurturing themselves so when they’re together they’re already whole, not two halves." Special thanks to Blue Ocean PR